Work wise this had only been a short engagement, 6 months and it was weird..from doing back to work discussions with those so angered by there experience that they’d left some months prior and not returned, to ongoing displeasure of those team members who remained … looking to get the documentation on business projects i was hired to oversee and then finding out there was actually no such projects – there were things that were not even sketched on drawing boards that remained in their packaging.. It was the weirdest and most inexplicable of situations.
Now with a mixture of relief and disappointment its over .. it was for the most part a nice team, the one that got assembled upon the scorched earth .. and i found myself with the one reservation of leaving them.
Leaving them to the all the inexplicable things that had scorched the earth before, devastating the teams numbers and moral .. and its looming return .. I was trying not to think about it too much.. I’d asked them to put their despondence and disbelief to one side those few months ago, to give it a chance and in so doing made it worse. For the doubt filled reservation that lined up behind those words were only doubts for a further couple of weeks. Id asked them to have some faith and within what could still be legitimately counted in days i knew there was no faith, only blinkered folly that could believe in change.
I pulled and pushed them, asked them for just enough belief to give it ago, then left. I’d thought, incorrectly, that i would take up the fight, normally i do at least for a time vigorously pursing change against the prevailing established mindset.. but not this time – from the first moment i had doubt, then grave doubt and within only weeks really acceptance. So i think this was not like before – never really managing to become invested in any way, it was a short term contract and it was all just so very mad, why invest yourself in it, the inadvertent thought.
Also i may have accidentally adapted, in unhelpful way, taking an approach now based on the belief that things cant be changed, this can only change themselves. You (or in this case I) can hold up the mirror and if they ask you (in this case me) to make suggestions .. then yes, and watch to see their actions for the effort doesnt come in daring to ask the question ..
But recast a thing, change it, no – it can not be done to something … this was the equivalent to a clinically obese person that invested for their health, buying in a shiny new exercise bike and then gazing at it, as it poked out knowingly, from behind a very fine and infinitely closer form of cake.
So having made all to easy but not entirely successful efforts at not thinking overly on it, i left … in part a leaving and not thinking on it that remains occasionally hindered by ongoing calls and messages that leaving has failed to put pay too.. In every way this is the oddest (not worst) but oddest situation – i definitely felt more like a psychologist/therapist or a new kind of care worker, im not one of these, im not sure i mind the idea of being one of those… they sound like interesting jobs, helping people.. only i wasn’t really helping merely postponing .. There ongoing communications will peter out shortly and then, im going to miss some them i suspect.
On the flip side
- World Cup
- Free Time And No Hassles
- Travel Plans For The Summer
All beckon – though not in that order ..
In the meantime news came in from a past employer, the last of my old team was leaving them … they’d taken to introducing lunch rotas to stop people lunching together.. For a business that bought things that remarkably few people wanted or were financially able to buy, over worked staff members eating at the same time doesn’t seem like it ought to be the key issue needing to be addressed.
I really need to like at my job choices … contract or none contract – im not doing my due diligence – if nothing else is clear and it isnt then that need be in no doubt.