Grandfather was on his way to having a lasagne for lunch when I woke up on my first day away.
As a present to myself I had gone without an alarm and local time it was already 11. The lasagne was a packaged thing, frozen ready meal and it was in the oven. I settled in for some tea and a bit of bread. When the lasagne emerged it hot, as you would hope, so was its plastic container which had clearly began the process of melting. Grandfather seemed ok with this, taking it as a sign it must be properly hot, while I asked if if wasn’t perhaps intended for a microwave and wondered how much flavour had sweated out of the plastic and into the target meat, cheese & pasta offering.
Meanwhile – For the first time in what comes close to forever the website is up on last year and for the first time in potentially even longer than forever it was chasing down its target. It’s was close yesterday, with two days to go but neither of those two days were weekend days so odds were very much against hitting the target, still, to be so close. This morning while sleeping, I received a text about yesterday’s figures, I don’t really know what that means. No memory and no particular natural inclination toward daily trading numbers, make it hard to turn that into a useful update. I think the numbers are ok not good not bad, not quite what was needed but I really don’t know, probably should. Part of me likes to think that this turn around although to late will hold, part of me likes to think because it happened on my watch i can be pleased with myself & honestly part of me is.. But really lets look at the facts if it hadn’t turned around I’d probably just have considered the issues too widespread, too deep engrained and intractable.. So if you don’t take the blame you can’t legitimately claim the almost victory. What victory this may be, could well whither back into phantom nothingness in May because (and this is the main point) nothing so hugely revolutionary has changed. Just tweaks, pressures and nudges. It might well be two month of long absent good fortune which like a sunny day will once more cloud over. Still for now and for almost the first time in the year I’ve been there, there is a localised sense of hope. So as I sit on the balcony in Zurich, a little washed out and beleaguered from the effort of it all, realising how ridiculous that sounds but feeling it so none the less. I think to not think on it too much, switch it of, receive no emails and just try to dial up the gold music in my head.. Ultimately it matters not the fate of the site is sealed, all that rests on this is a line on my LinkedIn account and how my 4 month tenure here will read, it is in that way of no real consequence, despite this I should prefer the better times to persist, the probably unnecessary voice of ego and its emotive and illogical demands.